A Fight to live.

So you grow up, hit 10, get to the  pudgy girl stage, grow up to 15 and still pudgy, self esteem is shot, you feel like nobody likes you, but you’re smart so realize that being overweight isn’t good for you! Lose weight, except you feel like you should be more energetic now that the weight is off, but instead it’s a struggle to find energy to get out of the house and workout everyday. This continues, lethargy leeches off of you everyday, because you’re so tired you hit a stage where working out just seems to take too much energy from you, go to college where you study fitness and for the first bit, everything is a drag, you’re just sooooo exhausted.

Things change! A personal trainer becomes part of your schooling, you get a regular workout each week, you feel great, start toning up, lose weight that had previously gained, then in the spring, lethargy strikes back with a vengience, except this time with an extra 20 lbs in a week, you can’t focus on anything, standing up for more than 15 minutes KILLS you. You’re dying, you feel like death, you might as well be dead cause you can’t do anything anyways, you feel like crying the whole time, there’s no energy to be happy, no energy to focus on anything.

This was me 2 years ago. In that summer of feeling like death, I knew I had to do something about it, thankfully enough, with my roommate back in Toronto, I did some research and found my own diagnosis because when I went to my family doctor, he tested my blood work, it wasn’t thyroid so i was perfectly fine, i was young so ya know, feeling like death is okay! Well needless to say, I could rant on and on about how medical doctors don’t know their toes from their brain, seriously. Anyways, turns out I had Adrenal fatigue because in school, I was a perfectionist, I had to push myself harder and harder, I trained myself harder and harder, didn’t really understand recovery. :-X

When I got back to Toronto in September, I went to see a homeopath, sure enough I was right, my adrenals were shot, I wasn’t producing enough cortisol, and when I was it was at the wrong amounts at the wrong parts of the day, due to that I had insomia. He told me it would take up to 3 years to fully return back to normal (Wha?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) yeah,

So I begin taking some vitamins and not working out, slowly gaining my energy back. Never before have i felt like I’ve come back to life! It was a very slow process, and in that process I learned that I could not raise my HR very high cause it would stress my body too much, I could not lift very heavy weights, no anaerobic activity, no high intensity circuit training, not metabolic conditioning training, so i learned to keep things slow and low intensity. After all, doing something is better than doing nothing right?

The weight (which was a total of 40 lbs added in this time frame) stayed on and last spring i decided I would try upping my intensity just a little bit and start trying to lose weight, I wasn’t going to keep my hopes up but I had to try at least.

I started losing weight, and looked better than ever, I got smaller then I have ever been! YAY, and my metabolism has leveled off, I have been maintaining my weight (give or take a few pounds) and have toned up.

Except… since the wedding, I have been over stressed a ridiculous amount, my body was going into shutdown mode, I was more lethargic, I couldn’t work out, my brain was fried, it was hard to focus, I started craving sweet and salty all the time, I didn’t sleep well (that’s the stage before insomnia), and I didn’t work out for 2 weeks (honeymoon) which was exceptable, only for the fact that for a month now I have zero energy still.

With no money to see a naturopath, or an osteopath or a homeopath, and mds don’t know anything, what is a girl supposed to do? Working with the military and fitness all around you, and with the desire 24/7 to just lift heavy… 😥 patience? I am eating better than ever, regularly eating, my stomach is starting to reject me, no matter how much I sleep I feel like I haven’t slept at all.

These times I am to offer my suffering up for all those who have it worse than me, which I gladly do. Oftentimes I wonder why God has placed me in the industry that I am in when I feel so incapable of half the things I love. Life is so crazy!

For those of you who do have energy to go around, and for those who just sit around and watch tv all day who don’t realize that you probably have lots of energy if you were to start working out. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT! And think of me, cause I can’t workout out twice a day 4 days a week like Iw ould LOVE to. Those barbells in the weight room just call my name and I sit in my office below them thinking “if only!!”

Now to search around on my own and find out why I can’t lift heavy and do pushups every other day. *Great sadness*



  1. #1 by Mom on July 22, 2011 - 17:16

    Miriam, I have a suggestion for you. I would like you to go to ttapp.com and just go on to the forums, read some of what is going on with people who are using this no-weight lifting, no-pushup exercise program which was developed by an exercise physiologist Teresa Tapp. Then (or before, if you want) go on to the website again and read what Teresa has to say and read the testimonials. This is a wonderful program that can be done by the healthiest triathlon or a 90 year old couch potato. Dad and I have been doing it for 2 weeks now and both have noticed great results already. Therese is using it with great results. Others are using it as well in the family. Just take a look and see what you think. I would be interested in your input about this program. There are sample moves on the site and on you-tube as well.

    • #2 by miriambulcher on July 22, 2011 - 17:23

      Hi Mom!

      You would be surprised, I have done significant reading on it lately and I’ve even read the book, I will be making a post about it soon about the whole system. 😉

  2. #3 by Cassandra on July 26, 2011 - 11:14

    Hello Miriam,

    I am enjoying your posts on a fairly regular basis, but I do have one suggestion….do not bash medical doctors as a whole. Medical doctors are not all bad, there are some people in every profession that are not as good or accurate as others but that does not mean you can put all your fish in the same pond and say they are all bad.
    I have had a bad trainer before and I do not go around saying all trainers are bad…..there are some good and some that are not so good.
    I just don’t think you should shoot down medical personnel as a whole, after all I am going to be a doctor and I do not think I am that bad of a person…..


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